Some days (like today), I get this crazy idea that I wish I, Jenn Holden, could save you. It’s because I love you so much, and I see you. I hear you. And when I see your face and listen to your heart, I see someone worth saving.
I hear your fear, because mom is sick and you don’t know how much longer she can work her physically demanding job…And if she can’t work, how will you ever achieve the dream of having the family back together again, of her taking care of you? And as your fear drifts to losing her, you realize all that you have already lost of her—time with her, connection with her. I hear your words catch in your throat as you try to be strong, for your younger siblings that depend on you for stability. And when I look at you, I see a daughter worth rescuing. I see a young woman that I want to cover with love, protection, financial stability and a certainty that you won’t have to give up your future in order for them to have theirs. I want to take your mom to the best doctors in town. I want to find a job for her that doesn’t deteriorate her body. All of that, because I want to see you, precious friend, restored and whole, living in the family you dream of.
With all these thoughts swirling in my head and many more, for you are just one of so many that I love dearly, I work late tonight. I just printed 1808 photos to put into memory books for each of you, and I sit up organizing them by face, creating 39 neat stacks of memories. I do it first of all because Jesus told me to, and also because lately I have been reading about the brain healing that can take place as you remember and retell your story. Someday, I want these books to help you frame that story so that parts of it can heal, and other parts can remember the healing that was already accomplished in them.
So, I sit here, organizing photographs, and I think “If only something this trivial could save you…”
Then, I stop, realizing the root of my pleading thought— “if only I could save you… If only I could heal, rescue and restore you by staying up late, holding on to your childhood memories or taking your mom to the doctor. I would pay the price, I would do what it takes to save you, my precious ones.” Then, it hits me.
The price to save them is the cross.
Praise Jesus, it has already been paid! Your salvation is close, your healing is possible and your God is pursuing connection with you. He has done it. He has made the way for miracles to become your reality, for you are his precious ones!
And I am suddenly, beautifully and humbly aware that I cannot save you. So, I will leave that up to Him, and continue to pray in faith for your holistic rescue… as I sort your printed memories.